tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-91703108917386383622024-03-13T00:52:00.950+01:00HUMOUR PIGEONA simple philosophy : Laughter is the spice of lifeHumour Pigeonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00065156177395885228noreply@blogger.comBlogger61125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9170310891738638362.post-54109337304820769332013-10-08T15:18:00.000+02:002013-10-08T15:18:51.893+02:00Artist's issues...<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: blue; font-family: verdana; font-size: large;">An artist asked a gallery owner if there had been any interest in his paintings.</span><br />
<span style="color: blue; font-family: verdana; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="color: blue; font-family: verdana; font-size: large;">"I've got good news and bad news," the owner replied. "The good news is that a man enquired about your work and wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death. When I told him it would, he bought all of your paintings."</span><br />
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<span style="color: blue; font-family: verdana; font-size: large;">"Wow!" the artist exclaimed. "What's the bad news?"</span><br />
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<span style="color: blue; font-family: verdana; font-size: large;">"He was your doctor."
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Humour Pigeonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00065156177395885228noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9170310891738638362.post-48746510711271860882013-07-07T18:23:00.000+02:002013-07-07T18:23:08.994+02:00That was amazing...<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: blue; font-family: verdana; font-size: large;">The husband leans over and asks his wife, 'Do you remember the first time we had sex together over sixty years ago? We went behind the village tavern where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you.'</span><br />
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<span style="color: blue; font-family: verdana; font-size: large;">Yes, she says, 'I remember it well.'
OK,' he says, 'How about taking a stroll around there again and we can do it for old time's sake? </span><br />
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<span style="color: blue; font-family: verdana; font-size: large;">Oh Jim, you old devil, that sounds like a crazy, but good idea!' </span><br />
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<span style="color: blue; font-family: verdana; font-size: large;">A police officer sitting in the next booth heard their conversation and, having a chuckle to himself, he thinks to himself, I've got to see these two old-timers having sex against a fence. I'll just keep an eye on them so there's no trouble.... So he follows them.</span><br />
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<span style="color: blue; font-family: verdana; font-size: large;">The elderly couple walks haltingly along, leaning on each other for support aided by walking sticks. Finally, they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence. </span><br />
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<span style="color: blue; font-family: verdana; font-size: large;">The old lady lifts her skirt and the old man drops his trousers. As she leans against the fence, the old man moves in.. </span><br />
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<span style="color: blue; font-family: verdana; font-size: large;">Then suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the policeman has ever seen. This goes on for about ten minutes while both are making loud noises and moaning and screaming. </span><br />
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<span style="color: blue; font-family: verdana; font-size: large;">Finally, they both collapse, panting on the ground.</span><br />
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<span style="color: blue; font-family: verdana; font-size: large;">The policeman is amazed. He thinks he has learned something about life and old age that he didn't know.</span><br />
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<span style="color: blue; font-family: verdana; font-size: large;">After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple struggle to their feet and put their clothes back on. The policeman, is still watching and thinks to himself, this is truly amazing, I've got to ask them what their secret is.</span><br />
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<span style="color: blue; font-family: verdana; font-size: large;">So, as the couple passes, he says to them, 'Excuse me, but that was something else. You must've had a fantastic sex life together. Is there some sort of secret to this?'</span><br />
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<span style="color: blue; font-family: verdana; font-size: large;">Shaking, the old man is barely able to reply, 'Sixty years ago that wasn't an electric fence.'
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Humour Pigeonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00065156177395885228noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9170310891738638362.post-10099000811104984202012-09-04T07:53:00.000+02:002012-09-04T07:53:00.995+02:00Fatal error<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: blue; font-family: verdana; font-size: large;">After a few years of married life, a man finds that he is unable to perform. </span><br />
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<span style="color: blue; font-family: verdana; font-size: large;">He goes to his doctor, and his doctor tries a few things but nothing works. Finally the doctor says to him "This is all in your mind," and refers him to a psychiatrist. </span><br />
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<span style="color: blue; font-family: verdana; font-size: large;">After a few visits to the shrink, he confesses, "I am at a loss as to how you could possibly be cured." Finally the psychiatrist refers him to a witch doctor. </span><br />
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<span style="color: blue; font-family: verdana; font-size: large;">The witch doctor says, "I can cure this." He throws some powder in a flame, and there is a flash with billowing blue smoke.
The witch doctor says, "This is powerful healing, but you can only use it once a year! All you have to do is say, '123' and it shall rise for as long as you wish!" </span><br />
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<span style="color: blue; font-family: verdana; font-size: large;">The guy then asks the witch doctor, "What happens when it's over?"
The witch doctor says, "All you or your partner has to say is, '1234' and it will go down. But be warned, it will not work again for a year!" </span><br />
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<span style="color: blue; font-family: verdana; font-size: large;">The guy goes home and that night he is ready to surprise his wife. So he's lying in bed with her and says, "123" and suddenly he gets an erection. </span><br />
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<span style="color: blue; font-family: verdana; font-size: large;">His wife turns over and says ...
"What did you say '123' for?" </span><br />
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Humour Pigeonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00065156177395885228noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9170310891738638362.post-59178283063476020532012-09-01T07:33:00.000+02:002012-09-01T07:33:00.367+02:00Blonde genie<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: blue; font-family: verdana; font-size: large;">A white guy is walking along a beach when he comes across a lamp partially buried in the sand. He picks up the lamp and gives it a rub. </span><br />
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<span style="color: blue; font-family: verdana; font-size: large;">Two blonde genies appear, and they tell him he has been granted three wishes. The guy makes his three wishes and the blonde genies disappear. </span><br />
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<span style="color: blue; font-family: verdana; font-size: large;">The next thing the guy knows, he's in a bedroom, in a mansion surrounded by 50 beautiful women. He makes love to all of them and begins to explore the house. </span><br />
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<span style="color: blue; font-family: verdana; font-size: large;">Suddenly he feels something soft under his feet; he looks down and the floor is covered in $100 bills.
Then, there's a knock at the door... He answers it and standing there are two persons dressed in Ku Klux Klan outfits. </span><br />
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<span style="color: blue; font-family: verdana; font-size: large;">They drag him outside to the nearest tree, throw a rope over a limb and hang him by the neck until he's dead.
As the Klansmen are walking away, they remove their hoods; it's the two blonde genies. </span><br />
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<span style="color: blue; font-family: verdana; font-size: large;">One blonde genie says to the other one, "I can understand the first wish having all these beautiful women in a big mansion to make love to. I can also understand him wanting to be a millionaire... but why he wanted to be hung like a black man is beyond me."</span><br />
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Humour Pigeonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00065156177395885228noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9170310891738638362.post-47253360204266428912012-08-30T07:23:00.000+02:002012-08-30T07:23:00.311+02:00Wrong excuse<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: blue; font-family: verdana; font-size: large;">A couple were going out for the evening. They'd gotten ready, all dolled up, dog put out, etc. The taxi arrives, and as the couple start out, the dog shoots back in the house. </span><br />
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<span style="color: blue; font-family: verdana; font-size: large;">They don't want the dog shut in the house, so the wife goes out to the taxi while the husband goes upstairs to chase the dog out. </span><br />
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<span style="color: blue; font-family: verdana; font-size: large;">The wife, not wanting it known that the house will be empty explains to the taxi driver: "He's just going upstairs to say good-bye to my mother." </span><br />
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<span style="color: blue; font-family: verdana; font-size: large;">A few minutes later, the husband gets into the cab. "Sorry I took so long" he says. "Stupid bitch was hiding under the bed and I had to poke her with a coat hanger to get her to come out! Then I had to wrap her in a blanket to keep her from scratching and biting me as I hauled her ass downstairs and tossed her in the back yard! She better not shit in the vegetable garden again!" </span><br />
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<span style="color: blue; font-family: verdana; font-size: large;">The silence in the cab was deafening.</span><br />
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Humour Pigeonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00065156177395885228noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9170310891738638362.post-80360749647428856972012-08-28T07:08:00.000+02:002012-08-28T07:08:00.323+02:00Can't outsmart a woman...<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: blue; font-family: verdana; font-size: large;">A man calls home to his wife and says, "Honey, I have been asked to go fishing at a big lake up in Canada with my boss and several of his friends. </span><br />
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<span style="color: blue; font-family: verdana; font-size: large;">We'll be gone for a week. This is a good opportunity for me to get that promotion I've been wanting so would you please pack me enough clothes for a week and get out my rod and fishing box. We're leaving from the office and I will swing by the house to pick my things up. </span><br />
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<span style="color: blue; font-family: verdana; font-size: large;">Oh! Please pack my new blue silk pyjamas." </span><br />
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<span style="color: blue; font-family: verdana; font-size: large;">The wife thinks this sounds a little fishy but being a good wife she does exactly what her husband asked.</span><br />
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<span style="color: blue; font-family: verdana; font-size: large;">The following weekend he comes home a little tired but otherwise looking good. The wife welcomes him home and asks if he caught many fish? </span><br />
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<span style="color: blue; font-family: verdana; font-size: large;">He says, "Yes! Lot's of Walleye, some Bluegill, and a few Pike. But why didn't you pack my new blue silk pyjamas like I asked you to do?" </span><br />
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<span style="color: blue; font-family: verdana; font-size: large;">The wife replies "I did: they were in your fishing box."</span><br />
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Humour Pigeonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00065156177395885228noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9170310891738638362.post-57084664814926507002012-08-26T07:02:00.000+02:002012-08-26T07:02:00.844+02:00The perfect PIJ<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: blue; font-family: verdana; font-size: large;">How The Jews got the Ten Commandments.</span><br />
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<span style="color: blue; font-family: verdana; font-size: large;">God went to the Arabs and said, "I have Commandments for you that will make your lives better."</span><br />
<span style="color: blue; font-family: verdana; font-size: large;">And the Arabs asked, "what are Commandments?" </span><br />
<span style="color: blue; font-family: verdana; font-size: large;">And the Lord said, "They are rules for living." </span><br />
<span style="color: blue; font-family: verdana; font-size: large;">"Can you give us an example?" </span><br />
<span style="color: blue; font-family: verdana; font-size: large;">"Thou shalt not kill." </span><br />
<span style="color: blue; font-family: verdana; font-size: large;">"Not kill? We're not interested." </span><br />
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<span style="color: blue; font-family: verdana; font-size: large;">So the Lord went to the blacks and said, "I have Commandments for you." </span><br />
<span style="color: blue; font-family: verdana; font-size: large;">And the Blacks wanted an example, and the Lord said, "Honor thy Father and Mother." </span><br />
<span style="color: blue; font-family: verdana; font-size: large;">"Father? We don't know who our fathers are." </span><br />
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<span style="color: blue; font-family: verdana; font-size: large;">So the Lord went to the Mexicans and said, "I have Commandments for you." </span><br />
<span style="color: blue; font-family: verdana; font-size: large;">And the Mexicans wanted an example, and the Lord said, </span><span style="color: blue; font-family: verdana; font-size: large;">"</span><span style="color: blue; font-family: verdana; font-size: large;">Thou shalt not steal." </span><br />
<span style="color: blue; font-family: verdana; font-size: large;">"Not steal? We're not interested." </span><br />
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<span style="color: blue; font-family: verdana; font-size: large;">The Lord went to the French and said, "I have Commandments for you." </span><br />
<span style="color: blue; font-family: verdana; font-size: large;">The French wanted an example and the Lord said, "Thou shall not commit adultery." </span><br />
<span style="color: blue; font-family: verdana; font-size: large;">"Not commit adultery? We're not interested." </span><br />
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<span style="color: blue; font-family: verdana; font-size: large;">The Lord went to the Jews and said, "I have Commandments for you." </span><br />
<span style="color: blue; font-family: verdana; font-size: large;">"Commandments?" , they said, "How much are they?" </span><br />
<span style="color: blue; font-family: verdana; font-size: large;">"They're free." </span><br />
<span style="color: blue; font-family: verdana; font-size: large;">"We'll take ten." </span><br />
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Humour Pigeonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00065156177395885228noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9170310891738638362.post-14880750422924471282012-08-25T07:34:00.000+02:002012-08-25T07:34:00.285+02:00Points of view<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: blue; font-family: verdana; font-size: large;">I read this article that said the typical symptoms of stress are eating too much, impulse buying, and driving too fast. </span><br />
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<span style="color: blue; font-family: verdana; font-size: large;">Are they kidding? That's my idea of a perfect day.</span><br />
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Humour Pigeonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00065156177395885228noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9170310891738638362.post-19404104570198596392012-08-23T07:22:00.000+02:002012-08-23T07:22:00.091+02:00Strange passengers<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: blue; font-family: verdana; font-size: large;">On reaching his plane seat a man is surprised to see a parrot strapped in next to him. He asks the stewardess for a coffee whereupon the parrot squawks, “And get me a coke, you cow!” </span><br />
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<span style="color: blue; font-family: verdana; font-size: large;">The stewardess, flustered, brings back a coke for the parrot and forgets the coffee. When this omission is pointed out to her, the parrot drains its glass and bawls “And get me another coke dogface!” Quite upset, the girl comes back with another coke but still no coffee. </span><br />
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<span style="color: blue; font-family: verdana; font-size: large;">Unaccustomed to such slackness the man tries the parrot’s approach. “I’ve asked you twice for a coffee! Go and get it now you old goat!” </span><br />
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<span style="color: blue; font-family: verdana; font-size: large;">The next moment both he and the parrot have been wrenched up and thrown out of the emergency exit by two burly stewards. </span><br />
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<span style="color: blue; font-family: verdana; font-size: large;">Plunging downwards the parrot turns to him and says, “I have to admit, for someone who can’t fly, you’ve sure got guts!”</span><br />
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<br />Humour Pigeonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00065156177395885228noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9170310891738638362.post-37957739015787701262012-08-21T07:16:00.000+02:002012-08-21T07:16:00.568+02:00Clever Crooks<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: blue; font-family: verdana; font-size: large;">“Why do you paint your getaway car green on one side and yellow on the other?” asked one crook of another. </span><br />
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<span style="color: blue; font-family: verdana; font-size: large;">“Because I love hearing eye witnesses contradicting each other.” </span><br />
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Humour Pigeonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00065156177395885228noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9170310891738638362.post-22990833336747730712012-08-19T07:44:00.000+02:002012-08-19T07:44:00.402+02:00Blondes will be blondes<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: blue; font-family: verdana; font-size: large;">This guy has been sitting in a bar all night, staring at a blonde wearing the tightest pants he's ever seen.</span><br />
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<span style="color: blue; font-family: verdana; font-size: large;">Finally his curiosity gets the best of him, so he walks over and asks, "How do you get into those pants?" </span><br />
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<span style="color: blue; font-family: verdana; font-size: large;">The young woman looks him over and replies, "Well, you could start by buying me a drink."</span><br />
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Humour Pigeonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00065156177395885228noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9170310891738638362.post-65544254374737338132012-08-18T07:30:00.000+02:002012-08-18T07:30:02.974+02:00Fuelled Up<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: blue; font-family: verdana; font-size: large;">Dave and Jim were a couple of drinking mates who worked as aircraft mechanics in Melbourne. One day the airport was fogged in and they were stuck in the hangar with nothing to do. Dave said, “Gees, I wish we had something to drink!” Jim says, “Me too. Y’know, I’ve heard you can drink jet fuel and get a buzz. You wanna try it?” So they pour themselves a couple of glasses of high octane booze and get completely smashed. </span><br />
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<span style="color: blue; font-family: verdana; font-size: large;">The next morning Dave wakes up and is surprised at how good he feels. In fact he feels great. No hangover. No bad side effects. Nothing! Then the phone rings. It’s Jim. Jim says, “Hey, how do you feel this morning?” </span><br />
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<span style="color: blue; font-family: verdana; font-size: large;">Dave says, “I feel great, how about you?” </span><br />
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<span style="color: blue; font-family: verdana; font-size: large;">Jim says, “I feel great, too. You don’t have a hangover?” </span><br />
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<span style="color: blue; font-family: verdana; font-size: large;">Dave says, “No that jet fuel is great stuff - no hangover, nothing. We ought to do this more often.” </span><br />
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<span style="color: blue; font-family: verdana; font-size: large;">“Yeah, well there’s just one thing.” </span><br />
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<span style="color: blue; font-family: verdana; font-size: large;">“What’s that?” </span><br />
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<span style="color: blue; font-family: verdana; font-size: large;">“Have you farted yet?” </span><br />
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<span style="color: blue; font-family: verdana; font-size: large;">“No.” </span><br />
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<span style="color: blue; font-family: verdana; font-size: large;">“Well, don’t. I’m in Perth.” </span><br />
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Humour Pigeonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00065156177395885228noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9170310891738638362.post-40683188192262727992012-08-17T07:30:00.000+02:002012-08-17T07:30:03.504+02:00Helping hands<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: blue; font-family: verdana; font-size: large;">A group of 3rd, 4th and 5th graders, accompanied by two female teachers, went on a field trip to the local racetrack to learn about thoroughbred horses and the supporting industry, but mostly to see the horses. </span><br />
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<span style="color: blue; font-family: verdana; font-size: large;">When it was time to take the children to the bathroom, it was decided that the girls would go with one teacher and the boys would go with the other.</span><br />
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<span style="color: blue; font-family: verdana; font-size: large;">The teacher assigned to the boys was waiting outside the men's room when one of the boys came out and told her that none of them could reach the urinal.</span><br />
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<span style="color: blue; font-family: verdana; font-size: large;">Having no choice, she went inside, helped the boys with their pants, and began hoisting the little boys up one by one, holding on to their 'wee-wees' to direct the flow away from their clothes.</span><br />
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<span style="color: blue; font-family: verdana; font-size: large;">As she lifted one, she couldn't help but notice that he was unusually well endowed. </span><br />
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<span style="color: blue; font-family: verdana; font-size: large;">Trying not to show that she was staring the teacher said, "You must be in the 5th grade." </span><br />
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<span style="color: blue; font-family: verdana; font-size: large;">No, ma'am', he replied. "I'm riding Silver Arrow in the seventh race, but I appreciate your help." </span><br />
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Humour Pigeonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00065156177395885228noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9170310891738638362.post-59943524066153506932012-08-15T07:20:00.000+02:002012-08-15T07:20:00.693+02:00Wrong club...<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: blue; font-family: verdana; font-size: large;">Two guys are drinking in a bar. </span><br />
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<span style="color: blue; font-family: verdana; font-size: large;">One says, "Did you know that lions have sex 10 to 15 times a night?"
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<span style="color: blue; font-family: verdana; font-size: large;">"My God" says his friend. "I just joined Rotary." </span><br />
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Humour Pigeonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00065156177395885228noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9170310891738638362.post-65584759274615927532012-08-13T20:36:00.000+02:002012-08-13T20:36:01.952+02:00Accident at the brewery<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: blue; font-family: verdana; font-size: large;">Brenda O'Malley is home making dinner, as usual, when Tim Finnegan arrives at her door.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: blue; font-family: verdana; font-size: large;">"Brenda, may I come in?" he asks. "I've somethin' to tell ya".</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: blue; font-family: verdana; font-size: large;">"Of course you can come in, you're always welcome, Tim. But where's my husband?"</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: blue; font-family: verdana; font-size: large;">"That's what I'm here to be telling ya, Brenda. There was an accident down at the Guinness brewery..."</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: blue; font-family: verdana; font-size: large;">"Oh, God no!" cries Brenda. "Please don't tell me."</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: blue; font-family: verdana; font-size: large;">"I must, Brenda. Your husband Shamus is dead and gone. I'm sorry."</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: blue; font-family: verdana; font-size: large;">Finally, she looked up at Tim... "How did it happen, Tim?"</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: blue; font-family: verdana; font-size: large;">"It was terrible, Brenda. He fell into a vat of Guinness Stout and drowned."</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: blue; font-family: verdana; font-size: large;">"Oh my dear Jesus! But you must tell me the truth, Tim. Did he at least go quickly?"</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: blue; font-family: verdana; font-size: large;">"Well, Brenda... no. In fact, he got out three times to pee."
</span></div>
Humour Pigeonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00065156177395885228noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9170310891738638362.post-85887136908937689122012-08-09T17:15:00.001+02:002012-08-09T17:26:30.692+02:00LIFE<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: blue; font-family: verdana; font-size: large;">Available for a limited time only. Limit one (1) per person. Subject to change without notice. Provided "as is" and without any warranties.<br />
<br />
Nontransferable and is the sole responsibility of the recipient. May incur damages arising from use or misuse.<br />
<br />
Additional parts sold separately. Your mileage may vary. Subject to all applicable fees and taxes.<br />
<br />
Terms and conditions apply. Other restrictions apply.
</span></div>Humour Pigeonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00065156177395885228noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9170310891738638362.post-1166975252271203932011-08-26T07:19:00.001+02:002011-08-26T07:19:00.911+02:00Not a wrong answer...<div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="color: blue; font-family: verdana; font-size: large;">We were celebrating the centenary of our church and several former ministers and the bishop attended the ceremony. At one point, our minister gathered the children at the altar for a talk on the importance of the day. <br />
<br />
He began by asking, “Does anyone know what the bishop does?”<br />
<br />
There was silence at first, but finally one little boy answered gravely, “He’s the one you can move diagonally.”<br />
<br />
</span></div>Humour Pigeonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00065156177395885228noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9170310891738638362.post-39615279837305005152011-08-25T07:15:00.002+02:002011-08-25T07:15:00.510+02:00Bet on it...<div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="color: blue; font-family: verdana; font-size: large;">I bought a box of animal-shaped biscuits, and it said on it, “Do not eat if seal is broken”. <br />
<br />
So I opened up the box, and sure enough...<br />
<br />
</span></div>Humour Pigeonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00065156177395885228noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9170310891738638362.post-70817740938292736802011-08-23T06:25:00.000+02:002011-08-23T06:25:00.177+02:00Useful tools<div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="color: blue; font-family: verdana; font-size: large;">What did Quasimodo give his wife for Christmas?<br />
<br />
A wok. He thought it would help her iron his shirts. <br />
<br />
</span></div>Humour Pigeonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00065156177395885228noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9170310891738638362.post-3668745101151662072011-08-22T07:11:00.002+02:002011-08-22T07:11:00.467+02:00Get on board<div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="color: blue; font-family: verdana; font-size: large;">In the US, buses have a sign saying, “Don’t speak to the driver.”<br />
<br />
In England: “You are graciously requested to refrain from speaking to the driver.”<br />
<br />
In Germany: “It is strictly forbidden for passengers to speak to the driver.”<br />
<br />
And in Italy: “Don’t answer the driver.”<br />
<br />
</span></div>Humour Pigeonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00065156177395885228noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9170310891738638362.post-75467784607690848302011-08-21T06:33:00.003+02:002011-08-21T06:33:00.681+02:00Obsessions<div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="color: blue; font-family: verdana; font-size: large;">A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with four young mothers and their small children. <br />
<br />
"You all have obsessions," he observed. <br />
<br />
To the first mother, Mary, he said, "You are obsessed with eating. You've even named your daughter Candy." <br />
<br />
He turned to the second Mum, Ann: "Your obsession is with money. Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Penny." <br />
<br />
He turned to the third Mum, Joyce: "Your obsession is alcohol. This too shows itself in your child's name, Brandy." <br />
<br />
At this point, the fourth mother, Kathy, quietly got up, took her little boy by the hand and whispered, "Come on, Dick, we're leaving. Your brothers Peter and Willy are waiting for us."<br />
<br />
</span></div>Humour Pigeonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00065156177395885228noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9170310891738638362.post-15680676508524691562011-08-20T06:58:00.001+02:002011-08-20T06:58:00.172+02:00Financial woes<div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="color: blue; font-family: verdana; font-size: large;">Even though we were on a shoestring student budget, my wife insisted we pay off the hospital bill when our son was born. Now we had to figure out how to meet our other financial obligations. <br />
<br />
We were discussing this one night when the baby began crying for a nappy change. As my wife picked him up, she sighed, “He’s the only thing in this house that’s paid for, and he leaks.”<br />
<br />
</span></div>Humour Pigeonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00065156177395885228noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9170310891738638362.post-89867373357117718082011-08-19T06:29:00.001+02:002011-08-19T06:29:00.195+02:00Church Social<div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="color: blue; font-family: verdana; font-size: large;">I lost the trivia contest at the church social last night by one point.<br />
<br />
The last question was, “Where do most women have curly hair?”<br />
<br />
Apparently the correct answer is Africa. I’ve been asked to find another place to worship.<br />
<br />
</span></div>Humour Pigeonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00065156177395885228noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9170310891738638362.post-75236514842384222992011-08-18T07:02:00.002+02:002011-08-18T07:02:02.032+02:00Wits<div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="color: blue; font-family: verdana; font-size: large;">It’s been five years since my last eye exam. I knew it was time for another as my vision was getting fuzzier. The eye doctor’s receptionist gave me a form and one question read, “Reason for visiting the doctor.” <br />
<br />
I couldn’t resist. I wrote, “Long time no see.”<br />
<br />
</span></div>Humour Pigeonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00065156177395885228noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9170310891738638362.post-4268811445425620702011-08-17T09:15:00.000+02:002011-08-17T14:18:26.335+02:00Drunk as a skunk<div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="color: blue; font-family: verdana; font-size: large;">Bob looked worried. He was explaining to his friend about his experience after the party the night before. <br />
<br />
“I was so drunk”, he said, “I can hardly remember a thing. All I know is that I woke up on top of this woman. I didn’t know what to do, so I gave her $20, rolled over and went to sleep. When I woke up this morning, I was at home in bed and I realised it was my wife that I had given the $20 to.”<br />
<br />
“Well, what’s the problem?” said his friend. <br />
<br />
“She gave me $10 change”, Bob replied.<br />
<br />
</span></div>Humour Pigeonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00065156177395885228noreply@blogger.com0