Bad scorers

The police arrived and found a woman dead on her living room floor with a golf club next to her body.

An officer asked the husband, “Is this your wife?”

“Yes,” he replied.

“Did you kill her?”

“Yes,” he replied.

“It looks like you struck her eight times with this 3-iron. Is that correct?”

“Yes,” the husband replied, “but put me down for a five.”

You told me so

One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very sexy nightie.

'Tie me up,' she purred, 'and you can do anything you want.'

So he tied her up and went golfing.