That was amazing...

The husband leans over and asks his wife, 'Do you remember the first time we had sex together over sixty years ago? We went behind the village tavern where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you.'

Yes, she says, 'I remember it well.' OK,' he says, 'How about taking a stroll around there again and we can do it for old time's sake? 

Oh Jim, you old devil, that sounds like a crazy, but good idea!' 

A police officer sitting in the next booth heard their conversation and, having a chuckle to himself, he thinks to himself, I've got to see these two old-timers having sex against a fence. I'll just keep an eye on them so there's no trouble.... So he follows them.

The elderly couple walks haltingly along, leaning on each other for support aided by walking sticks. Finally, they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence. 

The old lady lifts her skirt and the old man drops his trousers. As she leans against the fence, the old man moves in.. 

Then suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the policeman has ever seen. This goes on for about ten minutes while both are making loud noises and moaning and screaming. 

Finally, they both collapse, panting on the ground.

The policeman is amazed. He thinks he has learned something about life and old age that he didn't know.

After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple struggle to their feet and put their clothes back on. The policeman, is still watching and thinks to himself, this is truly amazing, I've got to ask them what their secret is.

So, as the couple passes, he says to them, 'Excuse me, but that was something else. You must've had a fantastic sex life together. Is there some sort of secret to this?'

Shaking, the old man is barely able to reply, 'Sixty years ago that wasn't an electric fence.'

Fatal error

After a few years of married life, a man finds that he is unable to perform. 

He goes to his doctor, and his doctor tries a few things but nothing works. Finally the doctor says to him "This is all in your mind," and refers him to a psychiatrist. 

After a few visits to the shrink, he confesses, "I am at a loss as to how you could possibly be cured." Finally the psychiatrist refers him to a witch doctor. 

The witch doctor says, "I can cure this." He throws some powder in a flame, and there is a flash with billowing blue smoke. The witch doctor says, "This is powerful healing, but you can only use it once a year! All you have to do is say, '123' and it shall rise for as long as you wish!" 

The guy then asks the witch doctor, "What happens when it's over?" The witch doctor says, "All you or your partner has to say is, '1234' and it will go down. But be warned, it will not work again for a year!" 

The guy goes home and that night he is ready to surprise his wife. So he's lying in bed with her and says, "123" and suddenly he gets an erection. 

His wife turns over and says ... "What did you say '123' for?" 

Blonde genie

A white guy is walking along a beach when he comes across a lamp partially buried in the sand. He picks up the lamp and gives it a rub. 

Two blonde genies appear, and they tell him he has been granted three wishes. The guy makes his three wishes and the blonde genies disappear. 

The next thing the guy knows, he's in a bedroom, in a mansion surrounded by 50 beautiful women. He makes love to all of them and begins to explore the house. 

Suddenly he feels something soft under his feet; he looks down and the floor is covered in $100 bills. Then, there's a knock at the door... He answers it and standing there are two persons dressed in Ku Klux Klan outfits. 

They drag him outside to the nearest tree, throw a rope over a limb and hang him by the neck until he's dead. As the Klansmen are walking away, they remove their hoods; it's the two blonde genies. 

One blonde genie says to the other one, "I can understand the first wish having all these beautiful women in a big mansion to make love to. I can also understand him wanting to be a millionaire... but why he wanted to be hung like a black man is beyond me."

Wrong club...

Two guys are drinking in a bar. 

One says, "Did you know that lions have sex 10 to 15 times a night?"

"My God" says his friend. "I just joined Rotary." 

Mixed emotions

A husband and wife were sitting watching a TV program about psychology and mixed emotions when he turned to his wife and said,

"Honey, that's a bunch of crap; I bet you can't tell me anything that will make me happy and sad at the same time."

She said, "You have the biggest penis of all your friends."

In the mood

Not sure

Two guys were discussing popular family trends on marriage and moral values. Stu said, "I didn't sleep with my wife before we got married, did you?"

Leroy replied, "I'm not sure, what was her maiden name?"

Can't argue with that

A man and a woman were having drinks when they got into an argument about who enjoyed sex more.

The man said, "Men obviously enjoy sex more than women. Why do you think we're so obsessed with getting laid?"

"That doesn't prove anything," the woman countered. "Think about this... when your ear itches and you put your finger in it and wiggle it around, then pull it out, which feels better - your ear or your finger?"