Bet on it...

I bought a box of animal-shaped biscuits, and it said on it, “Do not eat if seal is broken”.

So I opened up the box, and sure enough...

Wits

It’s been five years since my last eye exam. I knew it was time for another as my vision was getting fuzzier. The eye doctor’s receptionist gave me a form and one question read, “Reason for visiting the doctor.”

I couldn’t resist. I wrote, “Long time no see.”

Smart dogs

A farmer wonders how many sheep he has, so he asks his sheepdog to count.

“So what’s the verdict?” the farmer asks when the dog is done.

“Forty.”

“Huh?” the farmer says, looking puzzled. “I only had thirty-eight.”

“I know,” the dog says. “But I rounded them up.”