Helping hands

A group of 3rd, 4th and 5th graders, accompanied by two female teachers, went on a field trip to the local racetrack to learn about thoroughbred horses and the supporting industry, but mostly to see the horses. 

When it was time to take the children to the bathroom, it was decided that the girls would go with one teacher and the boys would go with the other.

The teacher assigned to the boys was waiting outside the men's room when one of the boys came out and told her that none of them could reach the urinal.

Having no choice, she went inside, helped the boys with their pants, and began hoisting the little boys up one by one, holding on to their 'wee-wees' to direct the flow away from their clothes.

As she lifted one, she couldn't help but notice that he was unusually well endowed. 

Trying not to show that she was staring the teacher said, "You must be in the 5th grade." 

No, ma'am', he replied. "I'm riding Silver Arrow in the seventh race, but I appreciate your help." 

Not a wrong answer...

We were celebrating the centenary of our church and several former ministers and the bishop attended the ceremony. At one point, our minister gathered the children at the altar for a talk on the importance of the day.

He began by asking, “Does anyone know what the bishop does?”

There was silence at first, but finally one little boy answered gravely, “He’s the one you can move diagonally.”

Financial woes

Even though we were on a shoestring student budget, my wife insisted we pay off the hospital bill when our son was born. Now we had to figure out how to meet our other financial obligations.

We were discussing this one night when the baby began crying for a nappy change. As my wife picked him up, she sighed, “He’s the only thing in this house that’s paid for, and he leaks.”

Beware of kids

A wife invited some people to dinner.

At the table, she turned to their six-year-old daughter and said, "Would you like to say the blessing?"

"I wouldn't know what to say," the girl replied.

"Just say what you hear Mommy say," the wife answered.

The daughter bowed her head and said, "Lord, why on earth did I invite all these people to dinner?"